Ohana!
by Le Penguin
Summary: The flawed product of a deranged mind wreaks havoc on Ansem the Wise's labs. Also, Stitch chews on Riku.


**Notes:** If you don't know the original names of the Organization members, look up "Organization XIII" on Wikipedia.

--

Braig peered into the holding tank. "_That_ thing's what you've been obsessing about for the last month and a half?"

Even gave him a chilly glance. "_Studying_, yes. I would very much appreciate it if you didn't slobber on the glass; the experiment doesn't take well to water."

The experiment lunged at Braig--finding itself thwarted by the six-inch magically-reinforced glass, it settled for showing its teeth and slobbering gooey trails over Braig's thankfully shielded face. Braig barked a machine gun tattoo of laughter.

"Aww, ain't he a fluffy little thing?" He rapped on the glass lightly; the experiment growled back. "Think I'll name him 'Stitch.' Had a dog called that."

"Naga!" Stitch snarled.

Even rolled his eyes. "It is classified as Experiment Six-Two-Six in the records," he demurred with forced tolerance. "And it is hardly a _dog_. It is a highly sophisticated, elegantly biologically-engineered, self-contained destructive force."

"That's also cute and fluffy," Braig cooed, mockingly. "Coochie-coochie-coo, iddle fella..."

"RRAAAAAAGHHHH!" Stitch clawed at the glass in rage, his claws leaving deep gashes in its surface. He snarled once more, thumping at his cage walls, and began to pace about the floor in frustration.

Braig snickered and straightened up. "Xehanort'll have your head for 'wasting our leader's precious resources and time,'" he said. "Wants to get everything settled so he can extract his heart ASAP and give it to the Boss on a silver platter."

Even gave a put-upon sigh and removed his glasses in a way that only the Truly Oppressed can manage. "Don't you see, you ignoramus?"

"Ooohooo, you know that I get all hot and bothered when you call me that!" Braig fanned himself.

Even chose to ignore the remark. "By artificially engineering a creature with an artificially-engineered heart to match, we can observe his actions as he grows and matures. Of course, this will take place over the course of several years, and require great investments of research funds; thus I gave him a secondary function of defense for the laboratory and Radiant Garden as a whole--"

"_FUCK_, THE LITTLE BASTARD'S FUCKING PSYCHO!" Braig screamed.

He made a desperate, scrabbling attempt to defend his face from Stitch's claws. The six-inch magically-reinforced glass now sported a Stitch-shaped hole. Even stumbled away in blind panic and made a dash for the alarms. He smashed open the glass and grabbed for the walktie-talkie.

"Send backup! Experiment Six-Two-Six has escaped!"

Stitch bounded off of Braig's head and landed on a nearby counter. Two arms snatched up the experimental ray guns Braig had been working on previously, while another two snatched up a nearby bucket to serve as a helmet.

"Iki baba!" he growled. He scuttled up the wall to a high shelf to better snipe at the two helpless researchers.

Braig stumbled to his feet, one hand clutched to the torn and rent skin of the right half of his face. He tore toward the door best as he could with his newly-monocular vision. Even made the wise decision to follow, emergency walkie-talkie in hand.

"I repeat, send backup! Experiment Six-Two-Six is armed and dangerous!"

"Also cute and fluffy!" Stitch cackled, taking a few potshots at Even's feet.

He sniffed at the air once, and scuttled up to the ceiling. The thick steel covering peeled back easily enough, and Stitch squeezed through into the rafters.

Research, feh.

Stitch crawled along the rafters until he reached the ventilation system, which he easily burrowed into with a few quick claws.

He'd much rather go exploring. Now, if only he could find a way out of here...

--

"I hope you've learnt your lesson well, gentlemen." Xehanort stared down Braig and Even coldly. "The experiment cannot be detected anywhere in the laboratory or in the general Radiant Garden vicinity. We can only hope that it has fled the kingdom."

He stalked slowly behind his desk, turning his back to the other men. "Whatever the case may be, not only have you caused nearly irreparable damage to the research labs, you have also wasted our leader's precious resources and time!"

Braig snickered and whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Even, "Told ya." Even felt an overwhelming urge to poke Braig's newly acquired eyepatch. Xehanort spun to glare angrily at the wounded man.

"I'm glad you find the situation amusing, _Braig_," he hissed. "You won't have to be the one to explain to our leader that his beloved research will be delayed because his idiot assistant decided to provoke the highly dangerous biological experiment!"

"Gee, I'm sorry, Xehanort..." Braig wiped away a fake tear from under his eyepatch; avoiding the bandages that covered most of the rest of his face. "Looks like you won't be getting any nookie tonight. But as they say, while it takes two to tango, you can masturbate all on your--"

Xehanort slammed a fist on his desk. "_SILENCE_!" he roared.

Braig was shocked into silence. Xehanort clutched at his head, wobbling slightly as he stood.

"...I must...report the situation to our leader..." He stumbled toward the door. "...consider your pay docked until repairs are completed, gentlemen. Further punishment...further punishment will be discussed later. Dismissed."

The door shut with a quiet click. Braig whistled.

"Someone's been hitting the darkness pretty hard lately," he commented. "I guess now'd be a bad time to tell him that you made ol' Stitchy immune to radar detection, eh?"

Even answered with a frigid glare. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't read my research notes in the future."

"Aww, poo," Braig fake pouted. He stumbled to his feet with his crutches. "Dunno why I was getting chewed out when _you_ were the genius who made the thing in the first place..."

"Xehanort probably recognized the intrinsic value of my intentions," Even explained, fluffing his hair. "Now, come; we must survey the damage to the other projects."

Braig dutifully followed. "What about Stitch? Ain't he going to be causing trouble while he's loose?"

Even sighed another Oppressed sigh. "He is programmed to _protect_ the laboratory and Radiant Garden, ignoramus. If Experiment Six-Two-Six had wanted to cause mayhem, we would have seen it by now. I do hope my fungal growths haven't been disturbed..."

--

"_No_."

Sora blinked, still holding out Stitch. "Huh?"

Leon gave him a look. "What makes you think we want him back?"

"I...dunno?" Sora blinked at Stitch. Stitch blinked back, and picked his nose with his tongue. "He really helped me out, so I thought..."

"He's more trouble than he's worth," Leon explained flatly. "He's all yours."

Sora's eyebrows furrowed in thought. "But my mom won't let me have pets. What'll I do with him?"

"Egh!" Stitch climbed onto Sora's head and nested in his hair comfortably. "Stitch go with Sora."

"See. You two were made for each other." Leon returned to tapping out a few new security commands to send out to Tron.

Stitch blew a raspberry. "Leon poopiehead."

Sora broke out into a snickering fit, and had to bite his knuckles to contain himself. Leon fixed the both of them with a hard stare.

"Right, yeah," Sora said around a mouthful of knuckle. "Be seeing you around, L-leon..."

Sora turned, and Stitch blew another raspberry at Leon. After making sure that Sora couldn't see him, Leon returned the favor.

"I thought you were getting rid of that thing," Riku remarked as Sora came through the door.

"Leon didn't want him back..." Sora said, still confused. "I don't really know why."

"It's a _real_ mystery," Riku said, dripping with sarcasm. Stitch took this as a prompt to grab a pawful of Riku's hair and start slobbering on it. "_Fuck_! Let go, you little piece of--"

"Riku, don't get mad!" Sora scolded. "That means he likes you!"

Riku finally managed to yank his hair out of Stitch's mouth. He began to wring out the slobber, his eyebrow twitching angrily. "I'm _sure_."

"I guess we should just go back to the Islands..." Sora thought aloud. "But my mom'd never let me keep him in the house."

"We could always just jettison him on the way back," Riku offered.

"_Riku_, I'm serious!" Sora huffed.

"I know." Riku glared at Stitch. Stitch spat out a long, silver strand of hair and grinned at him.

Suddenly, an idea seemed to dawn on Sora. He grabbed Riku's hand and ran out of the lab excitedly. Riku blinked and followed along with long strides.

"We going to jettison him after all?"

Sora gave him an exasperated look over his shoulder. "_No_. C'mon, we have to get back to the Islands! I know the perfect place for him..."

--

"For...me?"

Sora nodded and gave an encouraging smile. "Yeah, all yours! As long as you think you can take care of him, Lilo."

Lilo poked at Stitch's antennae, fascinated. "Is he an _alien_?"

"Erm, I guess you could say that..." Sora scratched his nose. "I found him while I was away, and he needs a good home. And I remembered how you always talked about wanting a pet..."

Lilo gave Stitch a bear hug, which Stitch consented to with some surprise. "He's sooooo cool! Thanks, Sora! I'll take real good care of him, and take him for walks every day, and show him plenty of alien movies so he can learn more about his alien brethren!"

"That's what I like to hear!" Sora returned the thank-you hug from Lilo and ruffled her hair. "Make sure that your sister gets to play with him, too!"

Sora scratched behind Stitch's ears. "And you, be good."

Stitch looked Lilo up and down. "...egh," he said, agreeably.

Lilo took Stitch by a paw. "C'mon, 'Attack of the Martian Wasp-Mummies 2021' is on in ten minutes!" She led him down the road to her home. "I think it'll give you a good grasp of Martian Wasp-Mummy politics and culture..."


End file.
